I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize