Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
