I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
