Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I love having hate sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize