At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
