Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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