Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
