This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
