I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize