...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
