Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He uses pillows to masturbate.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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