My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
