o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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