I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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