Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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