Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have demons in me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think my moral compass just broke
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
