Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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