I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
