She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
