you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
