ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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