i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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