Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
