she was so not down for the gang bang
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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