and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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