We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
