It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
