I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
