you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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