I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
