Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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