woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
