I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
