Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
