last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
