They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm both gender and math confused
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
