if you like me you must not know who I am
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mom said you looked used
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
