we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
