I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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