this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
