Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
