I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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