he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
