3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
