He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
