Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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