dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
