Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
