I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
