Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
