I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
