You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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