She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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