i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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