**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
