Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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