dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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