Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
