Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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