fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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