Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
