where am i from again
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
