they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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