I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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