I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
