I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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