It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
