I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
