Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my shit smells like andre
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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