Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
