You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
