We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize