Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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