I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
