I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
