So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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