No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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