I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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