Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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