i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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