1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm both gender and math confused
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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