he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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