You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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