But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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