Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
