Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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