the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
