finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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