He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
zippers are such a cool invention
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
