Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
