my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
