I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
