Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
