if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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