My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
