i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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