I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
