She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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